We thought that we would live forever

And that our youth would never fade,

But it has been a year since you have been gone

And tomorrow marks the day.

Now you will stay young for eternity

In everyones hearts on Earth-

But the price of eternal youth just is not worth it

When we realize how much it hurts.

You will remain 19 years old in our hearts always

And your face will never grow old.

But the last time I touched you still haunts me

Because your skin was so stiff and so cold.

And I hate remembering you that way

Because you were so warm and caring and fun.

You were my brother, my friend, my baby

And now all of our time is gone.

Now all I have left of you are memories

And pictures I see now and then.

Oh, God, what I would sacrifice

Just to hug you once again.

But I know I will never be able to do that

So I must come to terms with your death,

And make myself realize tomorrow is  the anniversary

Of the day you took your last breath.

I miss you Ikey, my bootiful,

May you rest in peace forever.

And please always remember

That I will stop loving you never.

I will miss you, little brother, until I die

And keep your memory alive as long as I can.

So for now goodbye baby Bootiful,

May you stay safe and warm in Gods hands.

to me is so unreal.

I feel us ripping apart

and it is leaving an open wound.

We have so many plans for our future

and it is dying way too soon.

Romance and passion are non-existent

and our love seems to come and go.

It is not supposed to be this way-

our fire is supposed to grow.

All I want is time together

and for our passion to return.

I want us to be close again

and I want our fire to burn.

But you have become like a brother to me

and I hate the way that feels.

I want us to be in love again

and for the romance to be real.

So please help me work this out.

Help me heal our wounds that bleed.

I want to be close to you,

I want it to be me that you need.

I am afraid that if we dont work through this

our relationship will wither and die.

And the terror in my heart will be real

when we speak the word Goodbye.

And like a rose that is wilted and dry

our love will crumble apart,

and all that will be left out of four years to show

will be two wounded and bleeding hearts.

lay down and rest

forever.

That's why you drink that poison.

You think it will all go away if you just

get that one good buzz.

That floating feeling will send all of your hurt

straight to hell and

you will be okay again.

No more suicide attempts,

no more fighting with the demons

that possess your spirit.

Your strength is gone now because it has

been drained from you

due to the shit you've had to deal with.

I understand this now, Dad,

because I've experienced it a little.

I am learning the hard work and the heartbreak.

I can see in my eyes now what I so often

wondered what it meant in yours.

It pains me to see this in the mirror

because I saw the same emotion in your face for so many years

and I am so scared to ride down that

path named after you.

But I am proud of you now, Dad.

You're turning it all around.

I know your intentions were good.

I know you wanted to make our dreams come true.

And if anyone asks your little girl if you did,

the answer will always be yes.

With your good and bad times

you made me who I am today,

and that was always one of my dreams...

to be like you on your good days

and to be a strong person with a loving heart.

And that makes me want to mend your

rough working hands and your shattered knee,

just so I can repay you for giving me the life I had.

I just wish I could heal you and thank you at the same time.

But I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you

and that no matter what,

I will always be your little girl.